Sometimes I want to set the world on fire
scream "SHUT IT DOWN"
throw it out the window
with the bathwater
I want to break things
and fuck on the floor
and burn my bridges
and set fire to each
and every
single
thing
i have ever loved
with klaxons blaring
and jets flying overhead
Give anything and everything
a big fuck you
but usually instead
i crawl underneath a blanket
and pretend
i'm somewhere isolated
like the middle of the salt lakes
with nothing but a walkman
a couple of pairs of clean underwear
a good winter jacket
a bottle of scotch
and a few cigars
where with any luck
i will freeze to death
unnoticed, drunk,
with clean underwear
and good music
my body will be found
by teenagers
or scavengers
same thing really
who will pick it clean
or show it to their friends
which is why
i insisted
on clean underwear
and for carrion bird
or adolescent
i will be the
social event of the season
but mostly
i just want to feel
something else
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Snooze Button Dreaming
I have an addiction.
It's an addiction to a button. A little button that does one simple thing: put my alarm and life on pause for 10 minutes. Just enough time to curl back up underneath the blankets and drift into sleep for a few moments before the terrible wails of modern life come screaming at me again. Yet, with a little effort, I can reach over and hit the snooze button again. Drift again, sleep again.
I've been told that a person who falls immediately into REM when falling asleep is known as an "efficient sleeper." Rumor has it that this trait is common among people who don't sleep very well normally, insomniacs or sleep disorder folk. Lately, I fall into REM after each time I hit the snooze button.
Every time I hit the button, I become someone else. I am somewhere else. The impossible is possible and everything makes sense even when nothing makes sense. Action, adventure, surrealism. A different lifetime with every little push. I can be a superhero, I can be a woman, I can be a rock star, I can be running for my life from scavengers in a nuclear wasteland. It's better than the best game.
Sadly, eventually I have to stop pushing the button and walk away from these fantasies. Perhaps someday the snooze button will seem less attractive than what waits for me on the other side. That day was not today.
It's an addiction to a button. A little button that does one simple thing: put my alarm and life on pause for 10 minutes. Just enough time to curl back up underneath the blankets and drift into sleep for a few moments before the terrible wails of modern life come screaming at me again. Yet, with a little effort, I can reach over and hit the snooze button again. Drift again, sleep again.
I've been told that a person who falls immediately into REM when falling asleep is known as an "efficient sleeper." Rumor has it that this trait is common among people who don't sleep very well normally, insomniacs or sleep disorder folk. Lately, I fall into REM after each time I hit the snooze button.
Every time I hit the button, I become someone else. I am somewhere else. The impossible is possible and everything makes sense even when nothing makes sense. Action, adventure, surrealism. A different lifetime with every little push. I can be a superhero, I can be a woman, I can be a rock star, I can be running for my life from scavengers in a nuclear wasteland. It's better than the best game.
Sadly, eventually I have to stop pushing the button and walk away from these fantasies. Perhaps someday the snooze button will seem less attractive than what waits for me on the other side. That day was not today.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
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